I am nearly nine years into motherhood and I can tell you that mom friends are essential to getting through the little years and enjoying the long days (but short years) we are blessed with when raising a family. Fellow moms can relate to exactly what you are going through in the ever-changing seasons while bringing a lighthearted humor and joy to your life that you just can’t get on social media. In this post, we’ll be chatting about what mom pals look like, why you need them, how to find them, and what to do once you’ve got some.
What is a mom friend like?
These examples are inspired by some of the best humans I know…
A mom friend will talk you off the ledge when WebMD suggests that your headache might actually be a terminal brain tumor. She’ll ask how much water you have drank lately and encourage you to get offline.
A faithful friend will love your kids as if she is their biological auntie. They will feel like she is family because basically she is.
A genuine friend will acknowledge that they don’t have it all together either and not make you feel less than for the ways that you struggle.
A fun friend will get you out of the house once in a while even though you both have never-ending to do lists.
A real pal will offer you what she can. Maybe that’s a silent prayer, a handwritten note of encouragement, a funny text to brighten your day, a suggestion for how to help your struggling child, a pizza delivered to your doorstep, a book that changed her life, a podcast link she knows will inspire you, a bag of hand-me-down clothes for your kids, or a hug when you feel like your world is falling apart.
A wise friend will point you to true rest in Jesus when you’ve been seeking refreshment in all the wrong places.
A mama friend will remind you of your best features and unique strengths when you need to be reminded.
A thoughtful friend will pray for you behind the scenes without you even knowing.
An authentic friend will help you solve problems and steer you away from complaining.
A supportive friend will encourage you in your marriage and motherhood. She will root for your family and remind you of all you have to be thankful for.
A gentle friend will offer her presence when you don’t want to be alone, even if she has nothing profound to say about what you are going through.
A loving friend will remember to follow up on the tough things you have shared with her and see how you are doing.
A fellow mother will show up with practical help and not just platitudes. She will help fold your laundry, bring you lunch, pick up your prescriptions, or wear your preschooler out for an hour when you are in the thick of survival mode and simply need a helping hand.
A true friend will speak the truth in love even if they feel awkward about it. They would rather challenge you with a fresh and honest perspective than leave you in your misery when you get stuck in a negative pattern of thinking.
A humble friend will respect your different style. They will celebrate your unique convictions, not judge them simply because they are different than their own. They also won’t assume that you are judging them just because you don’t share the same view on every last thing.
A helpful comrade will compliment your beauty, inside and out. She’ll walk the track with you when you want to lose the baby weight but also remind you of the incredible thing your body just did, bringing a human into the world.
12 Reasons You Need A Mom Tribe
#1 Mom Friends Will Make You Laugh
No one will understand the humorous antics that go on in your day (or in your head) quite like a fellow mama. They will get you, inside and out, because they’ve been there too. Whether it’s something hilarious your two year old said or the fact that your pants ripped in public when you were eight months pregnant, they can relate and they will be ready to laugh about it alongside you.
Motherhood is full of serious responsibilities. We are busy keeping humans alive, taming chaos, and making deposits of love that can bear fruit for eternity. Amid the weight that comes with being a full time caregiver, it is good to slow down and laugh.
Over the years, I gone through times of weariness as a mother. It usually only takes a playdate or phone call with a close friend to lift my mood. No matter how serious our conversations begin, we inevitably share a laugh at some point. This lightheartedness and stress relief can soothe the soul of even the most overwhelmed mama.
#2 Your Mom Tribe Will Give You A Fresh Perspective
When you are too close to a situation, you aren’t able to see it from every angle. Whether it is a parenting problem, an organization issue, or internal thoughts you are battling, your friends can give you a fresh perspective. Mom friends have the unique ability to gracefully validate your feelings and yet correct you at the same time. Mamas are great at acknowledging your humanity and sympathizing without leaving you in a pit of despair or agreeing with you that every negative thought that pops into your mind is true.
Grab my free printable Mom Goals sheet below to stay motivated amid the mundane and enjoy motherhood
#3 Fellow Moms Will Save You Money
I’m not sure I can count the amount of times that a good friend has passed on a boat load of hand-me-down clothes to my children just as they hit a growth spurt and needed those exact items. Mothers are so generous. They would rather share with a friend in need than sell to a stranger or save for future babies. They know that God will provide exactly what they need and they are happy to share with you.
#4 True Friends Will Be Genuine
In a world of filtered photos taken at the most flattering angle, you can trust your mom friends to be authentic. When I spend time with moms, we share our highs and our lows, not just our highlight reels. Friends know that there is no need to wear a mask. They can cut to the chase and be vulnerable with you and you can do the same in return.
#5 Your Mama Tribe Will Respect Your Wishes
You can count on your mama tribe to be understanding. If you want them spooning ice chips into your mouth and advocating for your birth plan to pushy medical staff when you are mid-contraction, your mom comrade will be there. But also, if you want zero visitors for the first six weeks of your newborn’s life, your true friend will respect that too. They will gladly wear gloves and a mask as they drop off a postpartum dinner on your front porch and back out of your driveway before your husband even has time to pick it up and wave.
At various times in my motherhood, I’ve been both of these moms.
#6 Mom Pals Will Inspire You
After a little time with your mom circle, you will get new ideas for your own household. Unlike the grandmothers of old who refused to pass down the secret ingredient in their famous recipe, mom friends will freely share resources that work well for them.
I have friends who have given me organizational tips tailored to my unique home, friends who have shared natural birthing advice and encouragement (that actually worked), and friends who have given me ideas on how to improve my homeschool.
I pride myself on being the friend who loans out books, never expects them back, and gives further reading recommendations personalized specifically to my friend’s kids’ ages.
Motherhood is not a competition. Each of us have gifts and abilities to share with one another. There is room for everyone at the table.
#7 Your Mom Tribe Will Think Of You
The mom pals in my life are some of the most thoughtful people I know. Mother friends think of things to bless you that you wouldn’t have thought of yourself.
I have a friend who brought calming tea lights, snacks, and drinks to the birth of my fourth child. When she dimmed the fluorescent hospital lights and scattered tiny tea lights around the room, the environment instantly became more soothing. This small act of thoughtfulness was huge to me as a birthing mom attempting my first epidural-free birth. The snacks she brought also came in handy ten minutes postpartum when I was absolutely starving.
I have another friend who spent the day with my kids while my mom was in hospice care. She brought board games and Mc Donald’s for my children and entertained them all afternoon so that I could spend time with my mom.
As if that wasn’t enough, she’d also brought a pre-made pasta dinner that I could pop in the oven that evening for supper. It was even in a disposable foil pan that I didn’t have to wash or return. If you’ve ever gone through a challenging time, you know what a blessing a meal in a throwaway container can be.
A third friend dropped off the cutest care basket during that trying season. It had fancy lavender soap, lotion, and chocolate. Pampering myself was the absolute last thing I was thinking about while I was grieving the loss of my mom, but it turned out to be exactly what the doctor had ordered! I felt so seen and loved by God through the words in my friend’s handwritten card and her sweet token of kindness.
Last but not least, I have an aunt who is one of my greatest mom friends. When my own mother passed away, she dropped everything and made the daunting eight hour trip to our town with her whole family and her gigantic dog. She came ready and willing to do whatever I needed that weekend.
Because of her coordinating with her own mom tribe, we had a delicious and intimate post funeral dinner handmade by people who loved us. My aunt stepped in to help in ways that I didn’t even know I would need that weekend. I had been going and planning the funeral logistics for a couple of weeks but once she arrived, I felt like I had permission to let the exhaustion hit me and just rest.
There’s nothing like a mom friend who will put their own life on pause and be strong for a time so that you can be weak.
Don’t forget to share this blog post with your favorite mom friend!
#8 Mom Friends Won’t Try To Save You
Nobody likes to be on the receiving end of another person’s savior complex. The best part about a mom friendship is the healthy give and take. Neither of you is better than the other. You both have strengths and weaknesses. You both offer something important to the other person.
Where I am weak, some of my mom friends are strong, and hopefully they feel the same about me.
Confident mothers build each other up, freely give to one another, are eager to help, but also humbly accept help in the areas that they themselves need it.
#9 Mama Friends Are Fun
When you go out to lunch with a friend, the time races by. You have so much fun that you could stay for hours. Mom outings will leave you refreshed, recharged, and ready to return to your family with joy.
The mom friends who have gone before me and launched their teens into adulthood, the ones who walk alongside me in the trenches of mothering littles and middles, and the ones who are just getting started on their motherhood journey all hold a very special place in my heart. I don’t have a lot of close friends, but the ones I do have impact my life deeply. There’s nothing quite like spending some quality time with them and then going home inspired to pour back into my family.
Share this post with your best mom friend if you can relate!
#10 Mothers Are Reliable
They are there when you just need to talk, there in a last minute bind, and there when you have an emergency. You know who to call when you need a quick caregiver for your kids because a relative is unexpectedly in the hospital. You know who you can count on when your babysitter cancels and you have a wedding to go to. You know who to text when you have a need and you just need to know another human is praying for you.
#11 True Friends Won’t Condemn You
When you get caught up in a negative pattern of thinking, blow it with your family, feed your kids fast food too many nights in a row, forget to change the laundry over and have to re-dry it again, or get off course in some way, your mom friends are not judging you; they are rooting for you!
The best of friends will gently correct you when need be, speak the truth plainly, and help you up when you are down. Friends don’t exhort you from a place of condemnation, but from a place of love.
It’s not easy to tell a friend that you think her husband is actually right in an argument, that she should be more patient with her kids, or that her work-life balance has gotten out of whack. But good friends will tell you the truth. Then, they will walk alongside you and help you make changes.
#12 Mother Friends Make Life Less Lonely
It can be isolating to be a new mom, a mom of lots of littles, or a stay at home mom without community. There are times when you feel like all you do is meet immediate needs and say things like “don’t touch that” or “get off of your brother.”
Being a mom can be an absolute joy. It’s a privilege and a gift. But there’s definitely a learning curve that happens when you are thrust into motherhood for the first couple of years. Mama pals make the journey less lonely and more enjoyable. They give you someone to talk to, someone to relate to, and someone to turn to when you feel like you are doing it all wrong.
Don’t get me wrong, mom friends aren’t perfect. We are all flawed humans and no friend can meet our every need. The best of friends will walk alongside us and point us to the only One who provides true and lasting satisfaction. Jesus.
How can I find mom friends?
I have met most of my mom friends at my daughter’s preschool, our homeschool co-op, church, the library, at the playground, and through mutual friends.
Here are my tips for making friends as a mom…
- Spot the mom at the playground who came alone with her child and strike up a conversation. Ask her how old her kid is and find a window to relate to her. If it’s a weekday and you both find yourself at the park during school hours, you can ask if she homeschools. If it’s the afternoon and their child looks about three, ask if they go to preschool. Once you ask a question, they will most likely ask you one back and the conversation will flow from there.
- Don’t be shy. Put yourself out there. We were made to live in community with other humans. The mom you want to pursue as a friend most likely needs a good friend too. Model friendliness and strong communication skills to your child by introducing yourself, asking questions, and being a good listener.
- If you are a younger mom, don’t be afraid to befriend older moms who have children the same age as yours. Motherhood puts us all on level ground and age doesn’t matter when it comes to forming a solid mom tribe.
How can I be a better mom friend?
- Follow up with mom friends. When an acquaintance shares something with you, remember to text her or ask her about it the next time you see her. Is her father having a surgery? Did her child injure herself on the soccer field? Is she in the process of selling her home? Pray for her and follow up.
- Look for a mom with younger children than yours and be a help to her. Can you help a mom in the playground parking lot while she unloads a stroller from her car? Can you redirect a mom’s preschooler at library story time while she pops her newborn in the sling? Look for a need and meet it if a fellow mom is open to it.
- Communicate with your mom tribe thoughtfully. Send texts, make phone calls, and mail cards of encouragement to your friends. Make an effort to lift them up, inspire them, remind them of their strengths, and offer a helping hand instead of making every interaction about your own struggles.
What do mom friends do?
- Moms go on playdates with their children to the playground, zoo, aquarium, pumpkin patch, fruit picking farms, etc.
- They go for walks around the local track while pushing their babies in strollers and letting their big kids ride bikes and scooters.
- Moms sit on the porch together and watch their kids play in the yard.
- Moms have indoor playdates during the cold months to bake cookies, do simple crafts, or play board games with their children.
- Moms go to breakfast, lunch, or dinner once in a while without the kids.
- Moms get pedicures together.
Why do I have a hard time making mom friends?
One reason you might be having a hard time making friends is because you appear unfriendly or uninterested in others. Perhaps you feel a lot of social anxiety so you stay in the background of conversations or look down at your phone in social settings.
I completely understand the fear of rejection and the sense of not fitting in with a mom group. But we moms need each other. We are meant to encourage and build one another up. I encourage you to keep your phone in the car while you are at church, the playground, and the library. Smile, make eye contact, and introduce yourself to other moms.
Another reason you might be having a hard time making mama friends is that you became a mom at a younger age than your peers. Connecting with friends in a similar season of life as you can be challenging if you become a mother at what society currently considers a young age. Although large families with “young” parents were very normal in the preceding generations, today lots of people hold off on having kids until later in life.
I had my first three children in my twenties, while many of my high school and college friends hadn’t yet formed families.
I found early on that if I wanted mom friends that I could relate to, I’d have to be willing to step out of my comfort zone and introduce myself. A lot of my friends are older than me but we have children who are the same age.
Motherhood is a great equalizer. It doesn’t matter if you had your first child at twenty three or thirty three. When you both go through potty training toddlers and training preschoolers at the same time, you can relate to one another.
We’ve all heard the age old saying, “the days are long but the years are short.” We need solid comrades to walk with us through this journey, point us to the truth, and share lighthearted afternoons full of laughter and good food. Whether you consider yourself an introvert or an extrovert, making mom friends and building your own unique mom tribe is worth your time. Be the friend you desire to have and keep working to build a mama tribe you can count on.
Send this post to your best friend and let her know how much you appreciate her!
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